“Who am I?” is the ultimate question of identity, and one with an extremely personal answer.

For me, the answer starts with my belief that people can change. That is to say, that if you decide to change who you are, I believe that you can.

Do you believe the same? If not, you can stop reading here. The answer to your question of identity can be found through a simple process of self-discovery.

If you do agree that you can change yourself, the answer to who you are is substantially more complicated. It’s not just a question about the present. It’s also a question about the future. In effect, you’re not just asking “who am I?” You’re also asking “who am I becoming?”

Let’s start with the present, and the challenge of self-discovery.

One path to self-discovery is to break things down in terms of likes, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses.

See the intersections of the categories in the diagram above? Those are where we live.

• The Sweet Spot is a great place to be. You’re doing what you love and what you’re good at.
• The Challenge contains all the things you like to do (or want to do), but aren’t any good at.
• Avoid Bad Idea activities at all costs. Nothing’s worse than spending time struggling to accomplish what you hate.
• Have you ever found yourself good at something you don’t like? That’s the Sad Place. Overeating is one of my abilities that lies in this space. I can polish off a stack of pizza like it’s nobody’s business, and I’ll enjoy doing it at the time, but then I’ll hate the fact that I did it.

My pizza example is one of those cases where an activity can fit into more than one category. Eating a slice of pizza is well within my Sweet Spot. Eating twenty is in the Sad Place.

The diagram focuses on tangible things, but I encourage you to also include the more abstract. Do you find yourself tempted to tell lies, but want to be an honest person? Put “Lying” in the Sad Place, and “Being Honest” in the section I’ve labelled “The Challenge.”

On to self-determination

Understanding self-determination is as easy as looking at the diagram above and realizing that you can change what’s in each category.

Are you really good at piano, but hate playing it? You can learn to love it, if you want to. It’s up to you.

Are you horrible at math, but love it? You can get better, if you’re willing to put in the effort.

Knowing that we can change puts us in charge of ourselves. Knowing what to change is the tricky bit, but I can give you a little guidance. Take a look at your diagram and ask yourself if any of the activities in your Sweet Spot are bad for you or the people you love. Those are your red flag activities, the things you want to focus on changing first.

For example, there was a time when I was quite happy eating twenty pieces of pizza. I liked it. I was good at it. I did it every chance I got. Somewhere along the line, though, I realized that I didn’t want to be that guy. Now, a 20-slice pizza binge is firmly in my Sad Place, and, honestly, I’m not even tempted to try.

Getting back to the question

Answering the question of “Who Am I?” starts with self-discovery and continues into self-determination.

We are not just who we are now. We’re also who we’re turning into.

If you ever find yourself thinking “I hate this about myself,” follow that thought immediately with “and that’s why I’m changing.”

We are dynamic creatures with the power to control our own selves.

Who we are today is who we are today. Who we are tomorrow is who we want to be.